Respect is the fundamental principle that shapes the few rules we have.
1. In a kink or any sex-positive setting, the most important form of respect is consent: ASK FIRST. If you see a hot scene at a play party, don’t simply go up and grab someone’s nipple or cock: ask first.
Why do we have to say this? Well, because so many of us have been in the backroom of a bar, where people squeezing past you might just stick out their hand and grab your dick. Some of you might even do that when you’re in that setting. But that’s not happening here. The one and only time we have ever had to kick someone out of a party was for this exact reason.
Just because we’re all in a kinky setting does NOT mean that all of us want to do everything with everyone. Ask first. Are they interested in playing with you? Ask first. Do you know if they want to be bound and beaten, or are they just looking to choke on a dick? Ask first. Are they Dom, sub, vanilla? Ask first. Are they down for anal? Ask first. Ask first to make sure you two (or three, or more) are on the same page. Grabbing body parts simply because they’re ‘there’ is one of only three things that can get you removed from a KuF event. Have an amazing, mind-blowing sexy time! Ask first.
Now, do you have to sit down with someone and discuss a laundry list of everything that’s about to happen? Some say yes. We, however, think “Hey, wanna get tied up and fucked?” gives you a TON of information pretty quickly. Keep communication open, choose a safeword if someone’s going to be in a helpless position, and look for nonverbal cues. If you’re not an oblivious jackass, you can get pretty far without having to go through a 10-minute checklist.
2. We often have a small room in the back designated as the Shutter Zone. That means cameras are welcome in that space alone. Pulling out a camera or phone ANYWHERE other than entrance stairwell (where there is no view of the playspace) or Shutter Zone will get you banned from all KuF events. Checking texts can too easily be an attempt to snag a picture of some guy getting bound and edged–don’t do it. Because others don’t have to worry about you taking their pics, you should also feel better that no one will be posting pics of you anywhere, right? In the Shutter Zone, always ask permission before taking pictures. Otherwise….well, then that’s just creepy.
3. Drug/alcohol sloppiness is the only other thing that can get you immediately booted. California law doesn’t allow alcohol anywhere public where nudity is a thing (hardest drink at a “Gentlemen’s Club” is Red Bull). Also, kink and being drunk or high is a potentially dangerous combination. We’re not trying to be party poopers, but surely you understand the risk. Show up sloppy, and we’ll invite you to try our next event instead–minus the substances.
Back to that nonverbal thing we mentioned earlier. One of the great things about millennials is that most are generally good at being diplomatic and reading body language. Into each other? Don’t be shy–let each other know and get it on! Not into each other? Don’t be an asshole–be nice when declining someone’s advance. And if you’ve been declined, let it go and don’t get upset. Go meet someone else! Keep it fun–everyone is someone else’s type!
KuF is NOT
- For high-maintenance or drama. We are laid back and here for fun, not politicking.
- For creepers of any age. (Respect others’ boundaries and you won’t be a creeper.)
- Competitive with other organizations. In fact, if you know of another group doing something fun and kinky, share details!
- A place to experience kink and/or ask people for feedback on your ideas.
- A place where kinky sex is safe and normal. For example, unlike at your apartment, you can make loud hitting sounds and yell forcefully at someone to choke on your cock at one of our Citadel play parties, and only kinky guys will hear it–there will be no police dispatch.
- A safe space to be You. You’re kinky or kink curious–so are a lot of other guys your age, even if you don’t realize it. Come hang out with us and surround yourself with people who think it’s awesome you’re into what you’re into!